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July 14th, 2017

03:11 pm

Hi. I'm alive and a little less emo. Anyone still use this?

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November 3rd, 2013

11:44 am
This week makes me question believing in my self

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October 27th, 2013

06:21 pm
I feel rejected...

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October 24th, 2013

07:59 pm
Feel better today. Movtivated. I'm using any emotion I'm feeling to getting things done. Not easy but it's working.

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01:30 am
For someone to love you , you must first love your self.

That never made sense to me until today.

I feel stupid for not caring for myself. Just allowing people to use me.

I deserve respect ...

I deserve love...

I'm the only person who can determine what things constitute as love and respect from others. Which means I need to know what they are myself.

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October 23rd, 2013

04:00 pm
I hope this is worth it... If it's not I'm the dumbest person in the world.

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October 22nd, 2013

03:35 pm - Alone...
This is the time I've feared in my life. I've always thought I would be successful doing something... Now I am really close. Now I feel alone.

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August 10th, 2009

08:51 pm - Letting Go
Letting Go

I learned a valuable lesson recently . Only problem is I think I learned it at the expense of a great friend. That lesson is; I can not make any one do what I think is right.

If some how the person reads this, or someone reads this and knows who it is, just know that I am not bashing, or belittling. I truly understand the issues as to why it happened. I honestly feel no type of animosity toward the person. I am writing this as my sort of releasing.

Also if you do know who it is I ask for you not to mention their name in the comments.

The person in question was a really good friend. I would do almost anything for this person, and she was one of the few people I was totally open with. This person was going through some problems, and during that period they said that they had a desire to do certain things that they felt they had no opportunity to do. These things in question were things I needed for a project, and the person was talented at them.

When I asked them, initially they were very excited about the opportunity. When it came to execution they had some issues that I was willing to work around, just because I thought it would be a benefit to them. At first it worked out.

Then one day they exhibited some behavior that kind of screwed a lot of things up, not just for my project, but for other things in my life. I tried to as nicely as I could explain to them why it was bad, and I asked them to do something for future reference that would keep this from happening again.

That’s when they blew up at me. They claimed I forced them into working on the project, and how every thing was my fault because I wouldn‘t take no for an answer. Which really hurt me for few reasons.

1. I offered because they had a desire to do things like this, and they wanted to help me out.

2. I feel like I do take no for an answer most of the time. Specially with this friend. There were a few things they have said no to me about, and I respected it even if I didn’t agree.

3. They never said no. which they then turned around and said that the situation forced them into it. They basically said they were afraid to say no. Which hurt because I felt we were so close, and they had said no to things that it wouldn’t actually be as bad as they said it was.

The person only voiced concerns about limitations and disabilities. Which were vary real, but I was willing to work around them. I was willing to do so much that it probably didn’t make sense. I was willing to do these things not just to make my project work, but more importantly(in my mind) to make an opportunity for my friend who I honestly believe wanted it.

Making them happy was an obsession of mine. I was willing to put my self through hell, just so that my friend could have what I thought they desired. I was willing to do all these things and all I wanted is some assurance that they would come through. It seemed as though they didn’t fully understand this. The situation really messed with my mind..

We had another conversation, and I got my “no” and I respected it for the most part.
My mind started to wander and me still hoping to make this a positive experience, I gave them advice about stuff that worried me. They poured out their heart to me, and I wrote a lousy response on facebook mobile(never write anything important solely with your thumbs). Which they rightfully got up set about, and now we are not talking anymore.

My post comes down to this. There are different types of people. Some look past their issues, and become successful, and others that wont. I can not be more obsessed about helping someone conquer their problems to become successful more than what they are willing to strive for them selves.

And there are lots of layers to this story that I am not thinking of , or am purposely leaving out. So, this post is part of a bunch of issues, fears, and other stuff we are both going through.

I still really care about them, and I hope we can be close friends again under a healthier set of circumstances. I just needed to let go of my obsession.

Now that I have I feel free... and free is what I need right now.

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June 3rd, 2009

10:14 pm - Rock the Space

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May 15th, 2009

01:43 pm - Play this mr.Martin
So, I this is going to be a quick post, because I am at school and a class should be coming any min. I am just posting to tell everyone my distaste for the song Stanky Leg, and the fact every kid wants me to play it during class.

That is all.

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